I think only a silly dodo like me would stay up this late to blog just becos I'm feeling too bloated from all those prata.How I regret consuming it,adds on more unwanted carbo to my already BIG tummy.
Anyway as usual,been idling and chilling with the 'slacking' clique.Went Dxo on 19th,had pretty much fun with them.Ahh,and I won 30+ from gambling,not too bad.HA!Have been spending money like water as well,bad bad.But nvm,I enjoy the happiness from it. :D
I've a whole load of stuff that I wanna express but well it's still hard to put it into words as it cant exactly depicts how I really feel.
I've yet to move on after the last relationship.It could be due to I put in a lot of effort and heart into it.Yes,we've already broken up but somehow it's just really hard to let go of a romance which was once beautiful etc ...I don't know how to heal or move on and not expect my future relationships to be like the one I had.
But yet somehow something's stopping me from reconciling as well,I hate to be in this predicament.Neither this or that,then wat ?I'm at loss wat to do.
Do I move back or on?
Under such a situation,it's wise to look at the pros & cons of a possible relationship.There's many factors to consider as well.Like wat were the reasons for breaking up and if we did broke up over them once, wat makes me think they won't be a problem again in the future.
I've got to be honest with myself,is this a lonely period for me so I want him back?Totally no,cos I've frens to accompany me.Could it be Im too used to him,I guess so.But the girls said it's like that,hafta slowly get used to w/o him.I think I love him too much thus I cant come to a decision.That period of time was really heart-wrenching and excruciating and I tried damn hard to get over the tough phase.When all my hopes and faith was gone,u just came back again.It aint that easy to make it complete once again.
U wont understand wat I went through.U thought I didnt wanna give u a chance,but if I could I'd agree readily like how I used to.I wouldnt give it a second thought cos nvr thought that we'd have the chance to reconcile.But I just didnt want history to repeat itself nor do I want to get hurt so badly again.Seriously just a short period of time of waiting and all that doesnt seems like doing too much to me.I dun wanna make any comparison as well.
Sometimes one doesnt think back and reflects on oneself's behaviour and all that.Then when they actually undergo it,only then they realised how it feels.It's only till one experience it then understands the agony of it.By then the timing and all that is already wrong,that's when regrets starts to surface.
I cant deny those old feelings deep down inside as well as those wonderful memories.Those days were the best times of my love life.If I really let go,I could be letting go of the right one for me.And I might never find a love so intense ever again.
I dun wanna invest any more useless time,effort and all that for something that isnt going to go anywhere.On the other hand,if the problems can be resolved and we could start with a clean state.I wouldnt mind trying again.But somehow after so many tries,things doesnt change.So I've my doubts and this niggling fear abt it.
Silly insecurites are clouding my judgement.Hopes of having him as a precious part of my life.
To grow from experience w/o feeling bitter,
and walk away as a lady a little more dignified?
Or stay and mend the broken love once again,
and indulge in a beautiful love that I yearn for? Letting go or patching up is the beginning of new transition in my life.Most importantly where's my
enthusiasm of being in love.
By a certain time,I'll have the answer and I'll make sure it's the right decision.
Those fond memories are still vivid,but wat will fate brings us?